A Lie We Accidentally Tell Our Children
“Oh, honey,” I said. “God made you perfect just the way you are.” My very-verbal 3-year-old daughter in the back seat had just proclaimed she didn’t like something about herself and my (well-meant) reassurance just rolled off my tongue. My husband in the driver’s seat shot me a quizzical look and I did a quick mental check on my last few words and then cringed. Ick. Back up, mama. Rewind.
My sweet little girl, as much as it hurts my mama’s heart, isn’t perfect.
But isn’t she? It’s hard to imagine our kids as anything else. Their eyes shine with innocent wonder, their smiles so quickly spill into carefree laughter. “She’s perfect,” might have been one of the first things I breathed after holding my tiny baby girl for the first time.
But it isn’t true.
Oh, it is so far from true. There’s only One who is perfect, and that’s God. Not us. Not any of us. The Bible is pretty clear on that. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. Even my little girl.
But we’re told otherwise every day. Our social newsfeeds, home decor inspo plaques, billboards, magazine ads and probably our own well-meaning family and friends have told us that we’re perfect. That we’ve got this. That we are enough. That we’re perfect just the way we are.
And deep down we know it’s not true. We find out pretty quick that we mess up. We sin. We do really bad things and think worse. Even 3-year-olds. Even my 3-year-old.
Was it terribly harmful to tell my little one she’s perfect? Probably not. But as one God entrusted with teaching her about Him (ah, no pressure, right?) I want to try really hard to always speak His truth. After all, what we teach now becomes the groundwork for later on when life inevitably gets harder and the questions get tougher.
Stumbling along here...
I stumble more than walk through this motherhood gig. But I pray every day that my stumbles lead me to seek to understand Him better and to pass that understanding on to my children. So I turned to the Bible and to folks a lot smarter and more learned than me and rounded up a few ideas to help me frame future conversations with my littles.
We’re not perfect, and that’s ok
Webster defines perfect as “being entirely without fault or defect.” Spiritually, only God fits that description. Beyond that, I’m not even sure what perfect means. The world’s definition of perfect when it comes to our bodies, hair, relationships, timely milestone achievements, living rooms - this changes almost daily. But chances are we won’t ever feel like we’re living up to the “#perfect” standard painted for us by influencers.
So what can I say to reassure my little ones and teach them the value of themselves and of every other life?
We are made in His image
“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Gen. 1:27
The concept of being made in the image and likeness of God is a mystery that’s still tough for me to understand. But it’s a mystery that’s a powerful reminder for our kids (and us!) of just how special we all are. Even the highest mountains, most vibrant sunsets, most intricate flowers - though certainly reflecting His glory - are not image-bearers of God.
In articles from Focus on the Family and Ligonier Ministries, we are reminded that even though we sin, we remain in God’s image. Though we mess up and do wrong, though our bodies grow old and fail us, though sickness and struggle wreak havoc with our minds - we remain image-bearers of God. Our value and the value of others isn’t dependent on our efforts or our appearance. Our value doesn’t lie in our own perfection. Our value lies in His, and that’s actually pretty reassuring.
We are knit together in our mother’s womb
“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14
Ah, the imagery in this passage! Though I could never figure out knitting, my attempts taught me how intricate each stitch is that together make up the finished creation. It’s a tender, almost loving, art. The Father’s Love Letter devotional notes that “He could have blasted us together, or snapped His fingers and we would have appeared, but He chose a more delicate process in which He could be intimately involved as He formed us in our mother’s womb…”
We aren’t perfect, but we are made exactly how God intended. He knit us together, thoughtfully, personally, lovingly creating us. Each of us is made - not just produced. And we are made wonderfully.
So what I’m trying to say is…
So no, we’re not perfect. And that’s ok! We are loved, so loved. God created us in His image, something that isn’t true about anything else in this beautiful world. And the Bible tells us we are wonderfully made - stitch by stitch if you will - by a tender and caring God. As I teach my kids about their worth, I truly hope they will remember just where that worth comes from. It’s not empty words, ephemeral standards, or anything this crazy, heartless world can take away from them. It’s from their Heavenly Father who knit them together, wonderfully and fearfully making them in His image.
